I just need to do it,

without the consent.

about me

it's a Saturday night and I did have options to go out and be social but decided not to. The dumb thing is, I still have that same feeling the one I get if I didn't have any plans or anyone to hang with.

it could be that I use people and people use me. do we all? Sometimes I can't tell the difference if you hang with people to fill time or to spend time. If you make relationships with people to use them for their friendship or to have their friendship. Thinking like this confirms that I might have to do some slight tweaking within...

I believe all these cases exist. Now that I realize it, I dunno how to distinguish them. Why do I have to change constantly? People have come in and out of my life. Is it my fault? Why couldn't they just accumulate and still be my friends? Now I feel as if I am going to lose my best friend. But it is because I have changed. I also can't take his current state of affairs because it's too much to handle. sorry...

Being more than human would be wonderful right now.

I always have these talks for myself. I just need to keep learning or not focus on people. How many times have I told myself that?

People always focus on the outer self for new years resolutions, but I'm not. I have always focused on physical attributes. It is time to truly do a makeover underneath the skin and into the psyche.

for the time being

because it feels necessary, because it feels right.

But for the mean time, enjoy this :)

losing your mind for the sake of your heart

^^

everything is in relief now :)
Grades are up and I'm content with what I received.
Now it's time to disconnect, reflect and rejuvenate!

my family is in the living room right now and it's a lot of nonsense XD


awwww holidays how I embrace thee...

yikes

I got my ass kicked in badminton yesterday and enjoyed it :)
Though I had some really crappy technique because I'm pretty sure I popped a blood vessel on my arm hahahaha

ps. too much soreness to handle! I think I'm def gonna take up that massage deal sometime this week :)

why?!

Are competition fees so exspensive?!

YOUNG TEXAS ARTIST APPLICATION FEES

*____*

edit*

according to Dr. Olson and Karl I found out this competition is a rip-off for charging so much and that someone is pocketing a lot of money that is not supposed to be going to them... ha!

stop

fat shoes are ugly so don't ever wear them again

HI, IT'S 3:13AM

and I'm gonna watch a Woody Allen movie alone because of sucky company tonight.

Goodnight world, and I'll love you tomorrow when you treat me right with hiking.



MUAH!

I believe

this literally brought tears to my eyes :')



lyrics:

I believe for every drop of rain that falls
A flower grows
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night
A candle glows
I believe for everyone who goes astray, someone will come
To show the way
I believe, I believe

I believe above a storm the smallest prayer
Can still be heard
I believe that someone in the great somewhere
Hears every word

Everytime I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why, I believe

Everytime I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why, I believe

gah!

BEAUTIFUL.

inspiring :)

Today was the concert choir's 2nd and last performance of the year. We performed Leonard Bernstein's Mass which is pretty unconventional from what one would expect from a church mass. It has some musical theatre elements to it which I find to be pretty awesome and the use of unconventional instruments for mass including a electric and bass guitar :)

While we were performing I got so inspired by the orchestra and the soloists (they did such an awesome by the way) and the whole thing in general! ahh! I was on a performance high after wards :D

My favorite part was of the first piece with the 1st male soloist :)



The layout of the stage wasn't like this and the soloist didn't have any mobility either.

D:

This morning I woke up normally and ON TIME (sweet!) But I felt particularly jittery and scattered. I'm scattered enough as it is but I was all over the place in Dr. Olson's office!

I don't know why I had that much energy or couldn't really concentrate. Dr. Olson proposed last week that I should sing for big seminar to show off my voice (big seminar is when all the voice majors and voice faculty meet in the recital hall). It kind of freaked me out and she said never mind.

This morning she proposed it again and that added some intensity to my already strange state of breathlessness and jitters. I thought I could and when we went over my piece I completely blanked out on the words and was all over the place. The thing is; I do have that piece down but I think the fact of singing in front of sooo many good/talented students freaked me out enough to forget my piece. Even Karl noted that I had the piece down last week and it was probably my nerves getting the best of me.

Dr. Olson said it was ok but I still feel kind of bad. Having a test tomorrow and an oral project on Friday is no excuse for not being able to perform! But I also don't want to embarrass myself in front of all those talented kids...damn!

The point is that I'm not singing tomorrow because I don't think I'm really ready to show myself...

what's with the hype?

I've yet to find you passion.

but I discovered this tonight thanks to the jazz ensemble and it gives me a new perspective.

thanks Golson!

oh papi,

where art thou!?

best compliment I've had in a while

As said in another blog entry, I'm doing a piece from the musical Last 5 years.

Well thanks to Dr. Susan Olson, my singing technique has improved so much in the last two months. It was kind of gruesome because I was dealing with a lot of tongue and jaw tension.

I would get so frustrated in my lessons that I wanted to destroy everything in her office! (I didn't though jajaja)

I would get frustrated because I couldn't get myself to be free and relax nor get the sound that I wanted.

But with everything I do, the more times I do it, the day comes when I realize I am singing freely and I hear what I want to come out of me. It could be due to the fact that she's been assigning me music that is very complimentary to my voice, but most of all I think it's the tips she's been giving me of singing more forward, slightly through the nose, and rounded out slightly with the mouth. We've been working on my air distribution as well and it's helped me so much to achieve longer phrases without feeling breathless!

This brings me to the reason for my post:
My accompanist, Karl, and I had our weekly meets and he noticed how much more relaxed my tongue was as well as myself. When we were going over "Still Hurting" he stated how happy he was that I finally got the rhythm down and how nice it was sounding. But what he said that got me was "Wow, your voice is so good for this song. You really need to try out for RENT next semester, I'D TOTALLY CAST YOU."

TOTALLY MADE MY WEEK!

Even though I hate RENT I'm still going to try out for experience. Karl is going to be the music director of it because he works for some theater.


But the point is that he gave me the nicest compliment I've had in a while!!!!! :D

I have a vision

of a decorative art series that I went to create.

It will be called "The Doorway Story" series.

the decoration will include drawings of individual characters acting out a story above every door way (the number I don't know yet)

the number depends on the story that I haven't figured out yet.

Any suggestions for a story?

This is the first imagining from my mind that I believe to be actually tangible and I want to finish it by January before the next semester begins :)

stretched

If you stretch your love too far it's going to tear
you can stitch the pieces back together
but no matter how you look at it, it will never be the same...

I'm on the search

for a honey.

Like a bear...

as cynical as it sounds?

I've been getting happier because my emotions have been less in tune with other people and are there for not influenced by others.

:)

1st day as a nanny/babysitter/au pair

My new job basically consists of picking up four kids, taking them home and entertaining them before their parents get home from work.

It's a bit strange just hanging out with four kids (who are nonetheless strangers) and having them in my car (having company in my car is strange enough and menos kids).

Today I picked up Chloe from her school at 2:30pm and thank God her mom left a car seat for me to put her in my car (whew) so I took the little girl into my car and it was soo weirddd but whatev.

Then I went about to pick up the boys from their school and then their other sister at hers. The strange thing about having kids in school is the after school car lines. They are mother effing huge! The system to keep these cars in an orderly fashion must be some other sort of politics I never even realized...

Afterwards I take the kiddos home and make sure they snack and do their homework, which Sydney was good about but Joshua and Gavin needed motivation to complete it. I was actually surprised I could handle these kids and come up with ways to psychologically control them.

And with my new shoes I look damned good doing so as well ;) I have to look good for Chloe because she's little miss fashionista hahahaha

This morning

I woke up at 6am to go to a cycling class at 6:30am but didn't end up going because I wouldn't have time to get ready between 7:30am-1:30pm and then go in at work at 2:30pm. Well since I didn't go I planned to sleep in an extra hour (I don't know why I always do this if I know it doesn't work to my benefit) and I ended up waking up at 7:50 am and my 1st appointment is at 8:30 am :S

Within that time frame I had the most intense dream I've had in a while which goes something like this:

It started off with me working at some convenient store and then these older dudes walked in and started complimenting me and yadda yadda and then they threatened me to go with them "or else". Of course I went because I didn't want to know what "or else" meant. They took me in their van and to some hotel and when we got to the hotel there was two other girls there too and one of them was my friend Vero and the other was a blur. We were kept hostage for a whole day and even though I had my phone I couldn't call 911 or whatever because the older dudes somehow would know if I did and could come quickly and kill me I guess. And then my best friend Ben came and tried to rescue me but got caught and ended up hostage with us as well. My punishment was to be the target for knife throwing but I was fortunate enough that they sucked at throwing but uyyy were they close. I think all of us were going to end up as sex slaves because the older dudes kept asking all of us raunchy questions. When we left the hotel room I got really scared and desperate and got on my phone's internet and the first thing that popped up was Facebook, and I updated "being held hostage, save me this is not a joke". I don't know how but the older dudes were busted after that and we came out on the news and all that nonsense and I remember the back of the van having holes in it where jack in the box like puppets would sping up and another hole where the older dudes would come out would sing with a shit load of dramatic makeup and sing...


And then I went to my voice lesson with a positive perspective for competing at NATS in the spring, turning my homework in Industry and finding out I don't have choir so I can go home and shower and map out my job course for today.

Adbusters

Adbusters blows my mind sometimes...

this time

4 hours from home and the surroundings are different
Lots of new faces from all sorts of places
The only change left is within myself.

Last Five Years

is a one music act by James Robert Brown which came out in 2001.

A quick synopsis about the musical: it starts off at the end with Cathy and Jamie's failed marriage with "Still Hurting" sung by Cathy. The play goes back and forth to the beginning of their relationship towards the end.
Jaime becomes a successful writer while Cathy is a struggling actress who has not yet achieved her success. Cathy wants to be independent of Jamie's success which creates tension between the couple.

I only focus on"Still Hurting" because that's the next piece I'm working on :)

It's such a sad but beautiful song

awww

When I sang in seminar (which took forever to get started because all the accompanists were MIA) I did pretty well.

I base pretty well by the comments I received afterwards from my fellow peers which were all positive.

But one freshman guy said I gave him chills (which he says that's never happened before). And that's when you know you did good :)

-------------------

on another note; I must have watched this video a million times since the song first came out!



I want my hair to get to that point soon!

Tomorrow

I'm singing Quia Respexit (a soprano solo) from Bach's Magnificat in D Major for Dr. Olson's voice studio.

Thank God for oratorios (because I can use my music cos I don't have it memorized ;x)

except tomorrow I won't have a badass choir following with Omnes generationes

This is what the solo sounds like:

damn :')

I'm so thankful for Daft Punk <3

I wish

my heavy heart would feel more like this instead of on the annoying side

question(s):

do we all go though times when we are attached to one thing?

when does one realize that you must love yourself first before all other things besides God?

When does one realize that giving and giving and not receiving does not create balance and therefore not reasonable?

above else: when will my roomates stop keeping the apartment below 70 degrees? ;(

;(

hahahahahaha another chance though!

Stacey Davis to me

show details Oct 15 (1 day ago)

Lora Lee,

I am pleased to inform you that you passed the rhythm sightreading and the major key sightsinging sections of the proficiency exam. However, you have still not passed the melodic dictation, minor key sightsinging, part-writing, harmonic analysis, and form sections. You will have another opportunity to take the exam in February 2010. Based on the results of the exam, I would recommend that you enroll in (or audit) Aural Skills and Basic Skills II next semester. This would help you practice the skills that will help you pass the exam. Please stop by my office if you would like to talk about your options in more detail.

You will not be permitted to enroll in most upper-level music classes until you have passed all sections of this proficiency exam.

Please let me know if you have any questions or would like to look over your exam.

Dr. Davis

Damn you

Damn social networking sites and... my disability to control myself ;(

Random phone calls are always nice :)

oy

my thoughts have become kind of like a room that have too many things requiring electricity, in need of another outlet!

or like a TV with only basic cable, in need of another channel!


It's going to be a long night...