it's a Saturday night and I did have options to go out and be social but decided not to. The dumb thing is, I still have that same feeling the one I get if I didn't have any plans or anyone to hang with.
it could be that I use people and people use me. do we all? Sometimes I can't tell the difference if you hang with people to fill time or to spend time. If you make relationships with people to use them for their friendship or to have their friendship. Thinking like this confirms that I might have to do some slight tweaking within...
I believe all these cases exist. Now that I realize it, I dunno how to distinguish them. Why do I have to change constantly? People have come in and out of my life. Is it my fault? Why couldn't they just accumulate and still be my friends? Now I feel as if I am going to lose my best friend. But it is because I have changed. I also can't take his current state of affairs because it's too much to handle. sorry...
Being more than human would be wonderful right now.
I always have these talks for myself. I just need to keep learning or not focus on people. How many times have I told myself that?
People always focus on the outer self for new years resolutions, but I'm not. I have always focused on physical attributes. It is time to truly do a makeover underneath the skin and into the psyche.
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