some things are good if you let it go and stay on the surface. that's how a lot of my friendships are at the moment...not diving down deep in search of treasure but rather floating peacefully enjoying the view. it's a risk always going under but what can be found can be pricele$$

saving my lil sister,

So I'm noticing a certain presence with my lil sis. She's so self conscious because my parents keep comparing her to me and my older brother(<-- what?). She told me in tears about her doubt in herself because of this comparison and how my parents keep constantly nagging her to do things like her homework, chores, and taking care of her animals (goats and cats) and how my parents say they never had any problems with either my brother or I in getting us to do things we needed to do.

It's complete nonsense because my brother was hell to raise. He had ADD and was a handful with his behavior and attitude problem. He couldn't concentrate and didn't do so well in school. I was more calm, a little more focused but definitely a big slacker. So basically my parents are lying to and making her feel bad about something that doesn't even exist.

It broke my heart to hear her insecurities and why she can't bring herself to do a lot of things with school because though she truly feels she did her highest my dad doesn't focus on the now and reward her but already instills doubt of whether she could do it the next week.

Don't get me wrong. My dad is AMAZING and very supportive of a lot of things I do. I think it's because he's old and has a lot less patience for this kind of parenting this time around with her. My mom just floats.

I really tried my hardest to help her understand why my parents are like the way they are and why they react in certain ways by explaining the cultural and social backgrounds they come from being old school Mexicans. It just sucks to have an insecure sister and not know how to put strength in her. My parents are not bad people and I pray that they'll be able to understand each other...

What I can do is to constantly tell her how much I love her and care about her.

While I blog,

I listen (once again) to Secret Heart sung by Feist and I whole lot of other songs by her and Daft Punk and I'm back to a place of realization of another sort. They all hold meanings from another time and now back at them I'm creating new meanings.

But it's the same thing.

Ignorance was probably the best thing with you but my desire and curiosity for truth always brings me to my knees because most times I can't handle it.

I probably shouldn't have done it, but I have and now I'm tainted by the fact and it all makes sense.

Thank you.

disconnected/finals

Last spring semester at UTSA; disconnected from those who I was to before which means new ones will be coming in soon; anticipating a hot hot summer despite this cold front that has hit south Texas in the beginning of May (so bizaarrre).

LeaderShape summit this Sunday-Friday means overnight summer camp at a college level minus the alcohol but intense skill development... excitement? I've never even been to a summer camp before...